Transform Your Approach: Preparing for Your Teen’s Journey into Adulthood
As parents, there’s often a prevailing sentiment that we should dread the teenage years. The challenges of fluctuating hormones, inevitable arguments, and the infamous teenage attitude have long been the stuff of parents’ nightmares. When you factor in the impact of a global pandemic and the complex issues surrounding social media, it’s easy to see how these factors create a particularly challenging environment for both parents and teens. However, what if we could approach these pivotal years with a sense of wonder, curiosity, and even excitement for the incredible individuals our children are becoming?
Cultivate a Positive Mindset for Your Family
“A positive mindset is arguably the most critical component,” asserts positive psychologist and adolescent expert Dr. Andy Cope, the author of The Teenager’s Guide to Life, The Universe and Being Awesome. “Essentially, children will mirror the behaviours they observe in their surroundings – this is known as social learning. Therefore, the most significant contribution you can make to your child’s development is to exemplify positive, confident, and optimistic behaviours yourself. The concept of ’emotional soup’ illustrates that, in any social setting, including family dynamics, everyone contributes to the emotional atmosphere. As parents, are you infusing positivity, optimism, confidence, and hope into your family, or are you inadvertently adding anxiety and panic?”
Use Positive Language to Empower Your Teen
Your influence in uplifting your teenager is more substantial than you might think. “The language you use as a parent is incredibly impactful,” explains Andy. “Aim to be eight times more positive than negative in your interactions. While it’s natural to express frustration now and then, for every negative comment, strive to balance it with eight positive affirmations. This approach is about recognizing and appreciating the small victories and efforts your teen makes.” It may be challenging to maintain this positivity, especially in a world that bombards us with messages of inadequacy. “Positive psychology starts with the belief that ‘You are enough – you are amazing’ – but it’s essential to cultivate strategies that protect you from external negativity,” adds Andy.
Engage in Playful Activities to Strengthen Bonds
In times of difficulty, various resources can assist both parents and teens in navigating challenges. Young Minds, a charity dedicated to advocating for young people’s mental health, offers valuable support during tough times. If you have concerns about your child’s behaviour, consider private mental health services. “Often, it’s the challenging behaviours of children that prompt parents to seek therapeutic help,” observes play therapist Lucy Lewellyn. “For some families, the home environment can feel chaotic, with conflicts arising around parenting styles.” Lucy incorporates a technique called ‘filial therapy’ in her practice, which trains parents to engage in a dedicated half-hour, one-on-one, child-led play session weekly. She encourages all families to prioritize playtime. “By taking time to engage in playful activities with your child, you create shared experiences that foster connection. Research suggests that filial therapy enhances not only parent-child relationships but also strengthens partnerships between parents, leading to greater understanding of both the child and oneself,” she asserts.
Practice Patience and Tolerance During This Developmental Phase
Research by neurologists reveals that the teenage years are marked by intense brain development, a transformative period that can manifest as risk-taking behaviours, impulsivity, and heightened emotions. Although navigating these changes can be frustrating for parents, they are essential for healthy growth. “Teenagers experience a different reality than adults,” notes Andy. “The chemical changes in their brains contribute to more pronounced emotional highs and lows. Parents must remain compassionate and tolerant during this period. It’s normal for teens to seek independence and prioritize their friendships over family connections. This shift can feel painful for parents as they may face disrespect, risk-taking, and challenges to authority – behaviours that are typical during adolescence. The key message for parents is to adopt a laid-back attitude; teens will navigate these challenges and emerge stronger on the other side.”
“Growing up has always been a contact sport,” Andy concludes. “With peer pressure, hormonal changes, and the added complexities of social media and the pandemic, navigating adolescence is undoubtedly more challenging today. However, if you can cultivate an environment that fosters positivity and resilience within your family – your ’emotional soup’ – you can help shield your children from the external pressures of growing up.”
